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.. I'd always been fighting against my nature to appear strong, tough, decisive - all that macho shit - and the best I could ever do was just barely adequate. I'd always been conditioned to assume my only option in life was to conform and strive for the ideals of manhood. I could never bring myself to contradict those ideals. Sure, on one hand it would be a massive relief to escape the pressure to be dominant (a goal that I've always fallen short of), but the social cost would be unthinkable; I would be a laughingstock, a pariah. Worse than an outcast, I would be a disgrace. No. I must do the best I can to retain my manhood, at least to the public. What I do with Rebecca behind closed doors is one thing, but everyone else will see me as a man. Or at least a boy. A straight boy. I think. To be honest I get called 'gay' so much at school sometimes I wonder...Rebecca interrupted my self-psychoanalysis "So every day at school this week, you will walk with Catherine to her house for lunch.. Suddenly in my mind striked to seek an attention from her and now the main problem was how to get it? So I started blowing whistles then I found I can blow a part of my released air till her hairs. So I started blowing my air to dissemble her hairs. Few times she ignored it and thought it was due to the air current flowing through the window but a regular pattern of blow and a constant direction of hit and that also behind the head caught her attention. She turned back and watched me and I just smiled. For an hour I did this again and again. After that Cafe Midway came in Haridwar- Delhi Highway road then i purposedly holded her while standing up and asked her that “can you look after my bag, as it contain laptop and have a precious glass object so its kinda precious to me?” She waited and checked out me for a while and then said “Yes”. I went down and got freshen up, and brought some snack and was just standing beside her window and asked her “would you like to eat something?” She.
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